Rumi is one of my favorites. Always has been. This particular quote is hanging on the inside of my door so that as I leave every day, I am reminded to stay alive. This may sound cliché but I am certain that it tends to stand true in certain seasons of our lives.
Embodying a bit of a gypsy soul, there are moments that I feel stuck, uninspired and stagnant. These thoughts scare me tremendously. I want to be on an adventure always and live my life as full as possible.
The past couple of years, unintentionally, I have had to define what my adventure means. Growing up in Montana I was born into the never-ending adventure of skiing every weekend, camping in serene wilderness at a moments notice, jumping in cold mountain lakes and riding my bike picking lilacs… every day was an outdoor experience. Montana still has a significant portion of my heart and I attribute a large amount of who I am to those spaces, people and values that engulfed me.
Despite these idyllic surroundings, there was something in me that needed to see what the world was made of. So I left … and floundered, for several years. I moved to several cities and continued to tell myself that this is what I wanted, yet in the back of my mind I was emotionally tied to Montana and the life I had there. However, history had proven, that when in Montana, I wanted to be somewhere else.
It became clear to me that I was looking for a place to complete me and become my home. I would move until I found it. I would “just know” when I found it. The ability to move anywhere, meet new people and appear to have “made a life,” was always something I took pride in. Never, was I fulfilled. I was always living in the past and comparing my life to the grand adventures my friends from Montana were having. The occasional Facebook picture of a summit or cross country ski path would make my heart sink and I could convince myself in a skinny minute, that I was living the wrong life. That was where I was meant to be.
Sitting at my great job behind my desk, thinking to myself, this is a failure, this is not the life my younger self told myself I would be leading. WHOA! Hold please.
… That is when it hit me. I loved my life in Montana but I needed to let it go. While sitting in that space of nostalgia and comparison, I was blind to the incredible friends, career, passions, and potential of the very life I was in. In all actuality, this life looked like quite the tempting adventure. The life I was seeing my friends lead on social media was spectacular and maybe one day I will find myself back there but for now… this is my adventure and I choose to be present in it and live the hell out of it.
Back to Rumi. To me, this is a reminder to not be blind to the things that I am seeking. Which for now, is to be creative, steep in the magnificence of the people I am surrounded with, to live this very life I’m living and give it everything I’ve got. Today, that is what excites my spirit and I hope to always respond to it.